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In a job market that can seem impossible to break into, relationships still matter and are often what will get your foot in the door. But if your coffee chats and informational interviews keep ending with "Let's stay in touch," and then nothing happens, you might be wondering where you went wrong.
I've spent more than a decade recruiting for companies like Google, TikTok, Uber and The New York Times. I've found that when people try to network, one of the biggest things that trips them up is the seemingly simple question: "Tell me about yourself?" It can unlock referrals, more introductions and interviews — but only if you know how to answer it.
When someone recommends you for a role at their company, they are often asked to fill out a form where they write how they know you and why you'd be good at the job. That note is where your coffee chat either turns into an interview or goes nowhere.
So the next time you are meeting with someone who does the work you want to do, or is employed at your dream company, remember that you're not there to impress them. You want to help them answer the question they will be asked afterward, which is "Why should we talk to this person?"
Here's my best advice for how to navigate three of the most common job interview mistakes.
When they hear "So, tell me about yourself," most people answer with a list of their accomplishments. The problem with that is that it gives your potential referrer nothing to hold on to. That's the wrong approach. Instead, break down the answer into three parts.
This is how it should sound when you combine them: "I'm a supply chain analyst. I reached out because you moved from operations into strategy and that's exactly what I would like to do."
That's under 30 words and it gives your informational interviewer a clear place to start when they recommend you. "Supply chain analyst moving from operations into strategy" is the first line of your referral note, and you just wrote it for them.
You've cleared that first hurdle, but the next mistake people often make is that they will ask: "What is a typical day for you?"
This will only get you a vague, unhelpful description of their responsibilities. A stronger question is: "What part of your job do you find to be the most rewarding?" When you ask this, they have to think about a specific moment, instead of a general list. This way you will find out what the job feels like on a good day, which the job description will never tell you.
Follow that up with "How is your performance measured at the end of the year?" When a hiring manager opens a new role, in my experience, one of the first things the recruiter asks them is, "What does success look like in the first 30 days and in the first 90 days?" But almost none of that makes it into the job description either.
With this approach, you get specific and quantified details that will help you better frame your expertise in an interview setting.
You're almost there, but now another trap is waiting for you. You're talking with someone you admire and whose expertise you value, so an understandable question is: "What advice would you give to someone who is just starting out?"
Please don't do this. It will generally only yield a response like "work hard" or "be curious." To get the information that will actually help you in the next phase of your job hunt, ask these questions instead:
Before your meeting ends, make sure to ask "Based on what we discussed today, is there anyone else you think I should talk to?" It's important to highlight the discussion part first. Without it, you're asking them to go through everyone they know and pick someone at random.
They'll probably say "Let me think about it." But with the first part, you've narrowed it down for them. The worst they can say is "Sorry, I can't think of anyone," and that's fine. But ask every time. That's how one coffee chat can lead to introductions, referrals and interviews.
Farah Sharghi is a technical recruiter, career coach and public speaker. She has worked as a talent acquisition specialist for Google, Lyft, Uber, TikTok and The New York Times. In addition to her work as a recruiter and career advisor, she is also a content creator whose posts on job hunting, interview prep and salary negotiations can be viewed on YouTube, Instagram, LinkedIn and TikTok.
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